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Archive for October 27th, 2008

15th Radiation Treatment of 20
Radiation Dose Received to Date: 22.5Gy
Total Dose Prescribed: 30Gy

I get up at 6am but I let Cass sleep while Otis and I patrol the neighbourhood in the dark. We get in an hour or so of work before we go for my radiation treatment (Cass and I, not Otis). I had my treatment switched from my usual unit, the “Spruce”, to the “Birch”. Techs who I don’t know push and prod me into assuming the position and then zap me with the prescribed 1.5Gy. That makes 15 treatments down. Only 5 to go.

In the car on the way home Cass and I have a “what is going to happen when all this is over” moment. We fear adjusting to the time when we are no longer fighting this disease. When you are fighting you are active. You go to appointments. Get radiated. Endure chemotherapy. When we are no longer treating or fighting it will feel so passive. We will just be watching and waiting to see if the cancer will return. Were those lumps there yesterday? Was I just hot last night or was that a symptomatic “night sweat”? Am I just tired from too much work or is this pathological fatigue? Is that biopsy scar tissue or is something growing there?

I know that being in this state is the best we can hope for. It’s infinitely better than if my cancer was unresponsive to treatment. Or I could have had horrid side effects to either the chemotherapy or the radiation. I could have got infected while my immune system was depressed and required hospitalization. I might not have had such a supportive partner so engaged and committed to my recovery. These are all the things to be thankful for. I also know that there will hopefully be times when we will “forget” about cancer. Good days when we feel well and are absorbed with our work or leisure activities. Eventually we will normalize this… eventually. But not today.

The boat is coming along. It will soon be ready for a sea trial and then it will be “all better”. If only human health could be so simple.

“I don’t like Mondays.” Brenda Ann Spencer, who fired at children playing in a school playground across the street from her home in San Diego, California. She killed two adults and injured eight children and one police officer. Spencer showed no remorse for her crime, and her full explanation for her actions was “I don’t like Mondays, this livens up the day”.

“Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday’s code.” Dan Salomon

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