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Archive for July, 2009

Today I wait anxiously with Cassie to see Dr. Sheila. My weight is down to 223, just 4 pounds above my pre-cancer treatment weight. That’s good.

Dr. Sheila breezes in, says I look great, says that my test results look great, says that my lymph nodes feel normal… and just like that I have passed eight months with no evidence of disease. You would think this would become easier. That I would “just know” that I was feeling ok and therefore must be ok. However, the fact that I felt so well on the day that we discovered the cancer makes me mistrust my perceptions. I have funny phantom pains and pressure in my shoulder and collarbone area that are the result of nerve damage from the biopsy operation and they keep me worried whenever they twinge.

Of several good results on my blood tests, the one that catches our attention is that my lymphocyte count is up to 0.92 from 0.8 in March. The very bottom end of normal is 1.1 so I’m not there yet. However, for a person who has had a blood cancer and been treated with chemotherapy, I’m doing ok and the trend is in the right direction.

Though you’d think this should get better, I’ve been a train wreck all day. I did go in to the office but I couldn’t focus on anything. Finally, Cassie came home and took me for coffee to help fill the time before the appointment. Thanks honey! Now I feel terrifically relieved. The next check will be in four months and that will make a year. I certainly hope to celebrate my remission’s first birthday.

Only the first quotation at the bottom of this post has anything to do with today’s subject matter. I just think the second one was too cool and true not to share.

“You begin saving the world by saving one man at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics.”
“The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don’t have to waste your time voting.”
Charles Bukowski

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Scanxiety

I see my oncologist, Dr. Sheila, today at 3:20 to review my current blood tests and have her feel me up. This is my eight month check up. I’m anxious but there’s really no reason to be… but I am… there it is.

I’ll update here with the results this evening. Wish me luck.

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