Archive for the ‘n’yuk’ Category



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Lumpy on the Radio

On the day that I got my H1N1 influenza vaccination the radio station we listen to here on South Vancouver Island (The Zone, 91.3) was fielding lots of calls about whether it was a good idea or not. Many of the calls were paranoid and supposed an enormous government conspiracy. I called in and left a comment on their line basicially saying that I had had cancer, had got immunized, felt fine except for a sore arm and was looking forward to not having H1N1 flu.

Now, my comment seems to be in heavy rotation on The Zone’s break fillers. It’s weird to be driving along in the truck and realize that the voice you are hearing on the radio is your own. I imagine they play it because it’s fairly informative and not very hysterical. Anyway… if I’d known it was going to get so much play I would have tried to sound like less of a nerdy goon.

“I wrote a song, but I can’t read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, “Hey, maybe I wrote that.””
Stephen Wright

“New York: the only city where people make radio requests like “This is for Tina – I’m sorry I stabbed you”
Carol Leifer

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We are pleased to announce that Tom V2.0 is now ready for shipment. The development of the upgrade package that will take you from Tom V1.0 to Tom V2.0 has been long and arduous but is finally complete.

We recognize that many of our valued partners were concerned that some of the many fine features of Tom V1.0 might be lost in upgrading to a new level. Some examples of these popular features are:

  • Bizarre sense of humour
  • Drinks too much
  • Eats too much
  • Deafening laugh
  • Bad table manners
  • Persistent and repetitive stories

Rest assured that these features remain and that V2.0 still runs on the same hardware platform that came with V1.0!

V2.0 of Tom contains many bug fixes; The persistent lumpiness in the performance of Tom V1.0 has been resolved by refactoring some of the modules of the core operating software. And those of you who were concerned about a system crash of Tom V1.0 can feel confident that V2.0 will run without error for the foreseeable future! However, you will also notice many great new features! Tom V2.0 will:

  • Run slower
  • Occupy more RAM
  • Consume more hard drive space
  • Show you his biopsy scars
  • Sport less hair

Your patience has been appreciated! Thank you for your purchase of Tom V2.0

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More info and photos to come. I just wanted to post that gem.

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My Own Private Hiroshima

We interrupt this blog for a critical message from our President… Mr. President?

I commend all corpuscles and organs that have endured the collateral damage of the chemical warfare that has been waged against the evil lumps for the last months. It has been a hard time… a time of sacrifice and terror. But I am able to report that the lumps are now in retreat on all fronts. However, our intelligence operatives have not been able to ascertain whether the lumps still do or do not possess any further weapons of mass destruction. In this light I have made the difficult decision to authorize the use of our tactical nuclear arsenal. It would be terrible if this historic struggle should end in failure for the lack of the force of our nuclear weapons.

I ask you to keep faith. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. God willing, it isn’t the train.

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Shine On You Crazy Diamond

One of Tom’s friends from school posted these chestnuts on Facebook. They’re shots of Tom playing in his band at a trailer park in Ontario in 1980, with his long-lost Les Paul Goldtop.

Rock on, chemo man. Rock on.

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I nearly peed myself reading this post.

*UPDATE 09-03-10* The author has pulled that post because he is working on a book.  le sigh

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